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See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

Ron Howard and friends humiliate themselves playing old characters we thought we'd never see again... in support of Barack Obama.
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This is really funny, but while there are no real dirty pictures involved, you probably shouldn't read it at work.
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So we're at A. and B.'s wedding and Eleanor gets the last corn muffin. And dammit, those muffins looked good.

I realize the bride and groom, who have a little table all to themselves, have a breadbasket of their own. I come up with a plan: walk up to the table, nonchalantly grab a muffin, disappear without a word.

It doesn't quite play out that way. "Hey you crazy kids. How's married life treating you? Damn, those corn muffins look good."

B. is a sweetheart. "Oh, you should take one!"

"I couldn't do that. Those are matrimonial corn muffins. The first corn muffins of your long and beautiful life together."

A. is on the job. "If you take one, we'll still have the other. And we can split that."

I see the light. "Of course! We all know this story. Heaven is where everybody sits at this giant table and there's a feast spread on the table and everybody shares and it's awesome. Even though you're shackled to the table and you can't breathe."

"That's absolutely right, Tom. Enjoy your muffin."

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Yessir, it doesn't get any worse than that.
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"Star Wars: A New Hope" in ten minutes... and it's authentic James Earl Jones dialogue... but hmm, not from the same movie!

Watch quick before it gets pulled. Ganked from [ profile] scarcrest.
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Go read Home On The Strange. And when you're done with that, add it to your friendslist.

Nicely apropos of a recent post of mine, too.

([ profile] notshakespeare rescued this particular strip from the slushpile of my infini-friendslist.)
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Getting married? You could have a first dance. Then again, you could have a first lightsaber duel.

Ganked from [ profile] kjc007. The duelists are [ profile] hammercock and [ profile] trowa_barton.

Yeah yeah, it's not great fight choreography, but I think we can safely attribute that to the Fifth Element getting in the way of the Force. If you know what I mean. And you're embarrassed that you do.

"Now, I am the master!"

"Well, our vows were kinda traditional..."
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... When you look all over for the can opener and half-destroy a swiss army knife trying to open a can of coconut milk? And then realize you left the can opener on the shelf of the convenience store movie set in your bedroom?

I bet that happens to you all the time, right?
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Check out step 23.

Yes, this is a real Google Maps result.

It's an inefficient route though, that chunnel toll is completely unnecessary! I'm filin' a bug report!

Ganked from [ profile] noisefootprint.
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Your cat sucks because your cat doesn't play the piano.
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Oregon Representative David Wu explains U.S. Iraq policy with star trek analogies...

And Jon Stewart follows that up by interviewing certain experts on the subject. Hijinx ensue.

What kills me about this piece is that Wu's analogies make perfect sense to me.
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Chad Vader, Day Shift Manager is indispensable YouTube viewing. I'm in the middle of episode 2 now.
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[ profile] marnanel: The BBC has a story today about pacemakers. The govt have paid some researchers GBP 1m to develop a pacemaker which is self-recharging like a self-winding watch. At the moment, people have to have operations under general anaesthetic every so often to fit a new battery, which costs GBP 10,000 a time
[ profile] marnanel: Well duh
[ profile] marnanel: I mean, pay 1m once off, or pay 10,000 per person every few years
[ profile] marnanel: Who wouldn't do that? and why haven't they done this before?
[ profile] boutell: Well...
[ profile] boutell: Giving people research money because they say they think they can probably maybe do something possibly is different from buying X amount of things that definitely work for Y time at a price of Z dollars
[ profile] marnanel: Well, I suppose, yes
[ profile] boutell: it doesn't exist yet
[ profile] boutell: so they are not mutually exclusive
[ profile] marnanel: but the watches do, so it's not a completely bizarre idea
[ profile] boutell: in fact, it's the classic Starcraft scenario! Do we develop self-winding tech, or take out the enemy's base with a rush of battery powered octogenarian troopers?
[ profile] marnanel: *laughs*
[ profile] boutell: IM IN UR BASE WINDIN UR PACEMAK3RZ
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[ profile] pinkhairedcyn asks, Am I the only person who just doesn't think that 'dick in a box' SNL video is that funny?"

The video, on YouTube. A little NSFW, but this did air on late night network TV.

It made me laugh.

Part of what's funny here is that the video blatantly objectifies guys for a change, and it openly raises physical expectations for guys. Better fill that box, Chuckie. It has a lot of shock value for some people. We complain about objectification but everybody does it. Uncomfortable truths are funny.

The main reason I don't find it all that objectionable or threatening is that it skewers all that horrible De Beers "one diamond per blow job" advertising. Ads perpetuating the notion that women don't want sex for themselves, they just submit to it at $2,000 a pop.

I find that idea lot more threatening than the sexual objectification of my own gender. Objectification implies interest! Interest is good!

Justin Timberlake's career, like Daniel Craig's portrayal of James Bond, reflects a new cultural expectation of men: it's not enough to wield the guitar (or the gun) masterfully. The metaphor's not enough. You need the real thing. Yes, you, het boy.

In the past, guys who went there were lampooned by everybody but their target demographic and hassled about their sexuality. Now the rest of us are too busy doing situps to crack jokes at Timberlake's expense.

Maybe in your world this is all old news. All diamonds are blood diamonds anyway, you can't save your favorite porn videos to a diamond ring (total waste of carbon), and you get your dick boxes shipped Amazon expedited one-click.

But to the rest of us, it's pretty funny.
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By now you've probably watched the Helsinki Complaints Choir video, as everybody's been linking it for days. If not, go do that, it's brilliant.

More than 90% of the complaints are pretty universal, they translate easily into Americanese. What I find interesting are the small percentage of complaints that are not:

"People only take a stand on SMS forums." And a million other cell phone references, some (all ring tones are annoying!) translatable to our culture, some not. The Finns really love cell phones. Raised American, it's always weird to be reminded we are not the highest-tech culture in the world.

"Evenings wasted hiding from the TV license inspector." People steal cable here too I guess, but this still doesn't really come across and I can't explain it to you. Somebody goes around to see if you're paying for your TV? How exactly?

"My neighbor is always early for his sauna turn." And lots of additional references to saunas and cold.

"Reference numbers are too long." This is repeated. What is a reference number? I have no clue. But they are too long dammit.

"The daily paper is too thick." I've never heard this complaint in the US. "Nobody reads the paper anymore and everybody votes based on 30-second TV spots," maybe.

"The queue for the dentist is six months long, by which time the whole tooth must be pulled out." In this country, either this complaint makes no sense to you, it makes perfect sense to you (because you're in the queue for some kind of assistance or student dental program you can afford), or you can't afford to see the dentist at all.

"My flat is tiny yet it eats all my money. So I have none left to save the world." "People have no time for fair trade goods but they rush to vacation where they come from" (I am goosing the translation along a little). These do exist in America, but they're not exactly FUCs (Frequently Uttered Complaints).
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I know a good FAQ when I see one. And Pioneer Valley Roller Derby has a great FAQ. I direct your attention specifically to question #3:

Q: By allowing boys to play aren't you destroying the sisterhood of Roller Derby?

A: No. Your camaraderie, memories & life enhancing involvement all remain intact.

That's some quality snark, kids.

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